The Sequel To The Sequel Of What Did You Expect?
by A-kun
Summary: Again, NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, DIRECTION, ANGLE OR FORM.


Things they would NEVER say...  
  
Warning: We're putting in another warning.  
Warning: Strong language.  
Warning: We just put in another warning to warn you that we put in another warning.  
  
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Slayers  
  
Lina growled.  
"Dammit, Xelloss! Just who do you think you are?!" Lina growled, having heard Xelloss's "That is a secret" line once too many times.  
Suddenly, Xelloss reached his left hand across his face and tore off the mask that had hidden the true face of Xelloss for so long.  
"HA! And here you thought I was just another dumb blond!" Gourry Gabriev, aka. Xelloss, declared.  
"Bu-bu-but who's really Gourry, then?!" Lina asked, turning to the fake Gourry Gabriev.  
Suddenly, the illusion vanished and Lina was on the verge of fainting when she managed to utter the true name of the fake Gourry.  
"ONEECHAN!!" Lina cried as she saw her sister, Luna Inverse, standing where the Gourry Gabriev that she knew had been.  
"That's not all, Lina. It's time for you to know the truth." Zelgadis said, removing his fake skin molds, which gave the former chimera-man his stone/demon-esque look. He looked about the same, but his skin was flesh-colored.  
Amelia cleared her throat.  
"Amelia!?" Lina begged, hoping that the princess didn't turn into a small, bald pervert martial artist obsessed with female lingerie.  
"Well, no, I'm the same, but Naga/Gracia here..." Amelia said, waving her arm through Naga's torso.  
"You... mean..." Lina began.  
"Oh, and your own little alteration." Amelia said, snapping her fingers.  
Lina looked down to see her bust increase to three times it's once diminutive size.  
"B-b-but I-" Lina babbled.  
Gourry snapped his fingers. The village and blue sky vanished. In fact, all that was there with her were Gourry/Xelloss, Luna, Amelia and Zelgadis. She was in a huge room, roughly 30 by 30 by 30 feet. The ceiling, walls and floor were black with yellow lines, save on one wall where there was a gray door with a control panel next to it.  
Lina shook her head. Man, this was getting serious. If she couldn't even tell that she was in the holodeck of the N.C.C. 1201-R Slayer and that she was the captain.  
"Sorry, just got caught up in the whole thing. So, when's *Rezo* going to have another Kopii?" Lina asked as the five left.  
"Well, once he decides what power level he wants it to be at. He says he's sick of being super-powerful, so he might make this next Kopii a super wuss." Zelgadis, one of the eight Vulcans onboard, answered.  
"It's fun playing a moron." Luna answered.  
"Hey!" Gourry said.  
"Besides, Gourry, you ruined the whole thing. If Captain Lina hadn't tried to stay in character, we might not have something to show the crew this weekend." Amelia answered, taking the disk from the holodeck recorder.  
"Yeah, we can say that about a week ago, Lina was warped into an alternate dimension..." Zelgadis began.  
"Oooh, ooh! We can invite various crewmembers to audition as new villians in the meantime." Luna suggested.  
  
Lina looked around at the Professional Magic-user Society's ballroom. It looked like she would have a good chance of getting into the Society _this_ time. Last time, Naga's outfit had caused the president back then to suffer a heart-attack and die. This time, Naga wasn't around and Gourry was out in the woods, so he couldn't say something stupid and ruin this oppurtunity.  
Just when she thought she was in the clear, she heard the sound of running feet. Gourry burst into the room carrying a black cat-like animal with a white line of fur running down the middle of it's back from it's nose to it's tail.  
"LINA! LINA! I FOUND THIS STRANGE CAT IN THE WOODS AND IT SPRAYED ME!" Gourry cried.  
The 'cat' began hissing and spraying Gourry again.  
"EEEEEWWW! IT'S DOING IT AGAIN!!" Gourry said, chucking the 'cat' at the PMS's current president.  
It began clawing his face, but as the Vice President tried to get it off, it ran down the opening in the neck of her new and very expensive dress (which was a gift of an emperor) and began spraying again. Lina buried her face in her hands.  
  
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Slayers Top Tweleve  
  
12. Naga - "NO SLEEP TILL BROOKLYN!"  
  
11. Shaburnigdo - "Ceipheed, I'm sorry. Hey, I'll buy you a beer!"  
  
10. Sylpheel - "Bite me, you stupid red-haired B!+CH!"  
  
9. Zelgadis - "Happy Happy, Joy Joy!"  
  
8. Lina - (singing) "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"  
  
7. Gourry - "No, no, no, Washuu. You've put a 7 where a 3 should be. And you didn't even figure quantum mechanics into the equation."  
  
6. Amelia - "DIEDIEDIEDIEKILLKILLKILLKILL!!"  
  
5. Amelia - "You don't like me? Well then, SCREW YOU!"  
  
4. Amelia - "Look, b!+ch, I'm not in the f^(king mood to f^(k around with you!"  
  
3. Sylpheel - "Stick it up your bu++, Gourry! I've got Lina as my b!+ch now!"  
  
2. Zelgadis - (while butt-naked) "Hey, girls, check it out! I'm NAKED! And I feel GREAT!"  
  
1. Lina - "Spells? Ha! As if I'd waste my time! No, I'm into... MAGIC: THE GATHERING!!!" (a real waste of time) *  
  
* - If this starts a flame war, we are NOT responsible.  
  
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Ranma 1/2  
  
Ranma sat before three giant birds, an Eagle, a Vulture and a Parrot. They were garbed in judicial robes.  
"Ranma, do you know why you're here?" Eagle asked.  
"Yes, I helped a Phoenix grow to maturity." Ranma replied.  
The birds gasped.  
"We just wanted you to change the paper on the Courtroom floor!" Eagle explained before adding in a confidential tone, "We're knee-deep in our own filth. It's DISGUSTING."  
"But, since you admit to this hideous crime, we have no choice but to peck your face off!" The Vulture said in a WAAAY too pleased tone of voice.  
"NOOO! NOT THE FACE!! NOT MY VALUABLE AND TRADEMARKED FACE!!" Ranma cried.  
The birds began pecking at his face when he awoke to his father slapping him.  
"What are you doing, Oyaji!?" Ranma demanded.  
"Eh. I got bored, so I started slapping you around." Genma answered.  
  
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Ranma Top Twenty  
  
20. Herb - "My people respect women and animals and would never do anything to mentally or physically harm either one."  
  
19. Cologne - "How the hell should I know?!"  
  
18. Shampoo - "Shampoo get great sound when use head as bongo! Shampoo be hit of party!"  
  
17. Mousse - "Next on Ancient Chinese Secrets Revealed 5, the unmasking of the mage..."  
  
16. Happosai - "I have to admit it. Genma, Soun. I've been yanking your chains for years. (hologram projector stops to reveal Happosai was actually Mrs. Tendo) HA! Didn't think your wife could be so devious, DID YOU?!"  
  
15. Ranma-kun - "Martial Arts suck. I'm going back to video games."  
  
14. Ryouga - "I'm not afraid to talk with girls."  
  
13. Mikado - "All right, all right. I'll admit it. I'm attracted to Ranma-kun and I've just been using Ranma-chan as a means to get to him."  
  
12. Azusa - "Eeeewwww! What the hell is all this pink crap doing in my house?!"  
  
11. Kasumi - "Lunch will started when I'm good and ready, dammit."  
  
10. Akane - "Akane no baka!" *WHAM* "Owww! Dammit!"  
  
9. Akane - "Yes, I'm jealous of Ranma. He gets all the babes that _I_ want!"  
  
8. Ukyou - "Uh-oh! I'm all out of Easy-Bake flour! I'm DOOMED!" ******  
  
7. Ranma-chan - "HOTCHA! C'mere baby, I wanna lick you up and down!"  
  
6. Pantyhose Tarou - "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CHANGE MY NAME! _I_ HAPPEN TO LIKE IT!"  
  
5. Saffron - (looks at Jusenkyo) "Who needs to be immortal if it means this wonderful countryside is ruined?"  
  
4. Ranma-kun - "That Shinji Ikari guy is more man than I'll ever be."  
  
3. Nodoka - (drooling) "Paaaaaantiiiiiieeeeeesssss."  
  
2. Nabiki - "All right, destroy all the evidence we have to blackmail Ranma. I'm letting him off the hook. Besides, we have more money than we'll EVER need, even with them trashing the house."  
  
1. Kodachi - "Chill, Ranma. I'm just here to play Tetris with Soun."  
  
****** - A-kun protested putting this in, but had to admit that since we were bashing the characters, we couldn't let anyone get away. It should be noted that we had to tie him to a chair and show him the dubbed Mamono Hunter Yohko 1 before he finally submitted.  
  
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Sailor Moon  
  
The monster roared as it prepared to unleash it's deadly beam to destroy Sailor Moon and the Sailor Senshi. Suddenly, a group of five figures dashed out in front of the Senshi and blew the monster's head off with a combined attack. The monster's body disintegrated within seconds. The Senshi looked up and gasped in shock as five familiar figures turned to greet them.  
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but-" Mercury babbled.  
"Sound off!"  
"Sailor Blond!"  
"Sailor Class!"  
"Sailor Transvestite!"  
"Sailor Revenge!"  
"Sailor I'll-blow-the-living-crap-out-of-you-if-piss-me-off!"  
"But that's Jadeite, Nephrite, Zoicite, Kunzite and Beryl! How could THEY get Senshi powers?!" Mars demanded.  
"Ask the writer." Beryl said, shrugging.  
  
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Sailor Moon Top Eleven  
  
11. All Senshi - (singing) "If you wanna be my lover, ya gotta get with my friends..."  
  
10. Queen Beryl - "You failed?! Oh well. Happens to the best of us. Now, let's go have a beer and relax."  
  
9. Sailor Mars - "WAAAAAAAH! I _HATE_ FIRE!! SMOKEY (the bear) SAID IT'S BAD!!"  
  
8. Sailor Jupiter - (while grinning) "Hey, Chibi-Usa, I wanna show you something. Shaaaake..." *BZZZZZZZARK*  
  
7. Sailor Mercury - "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO, PACKERS!!"  
  
6. Shingo - "Usagi/Serena/Bunny is so fantastic, I feel as though the house just lights up when she's around. She's my hero! Screw Sailor Moon, she's a whiny crybaby!"  
  
5. Tuxedo Kamen/Mask - "I'm sick of these fairy-@$$ed roses! What kind of man throws roses?! Come on magic, give me a .45 or something USEFUL, dammit!"  
  
4. Sailor Venus - "Come on, Lucky 7s! Momma needs a new Henshin Stick!"  
  
3. Mrs. Haruna - "Okay, everyone, your assignment is how to get wasted and not wake up with a hangover. Anyone who succeeds will have all tardies removed and all their grades changed to 'A's. Here are seventy-two cases of beer..."  
  
2. Sailor Pluto - "BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't know diddley-$#it about the future!! And I'm stealing Mamoru/Darien for myself!"  
  
1. All Senshi + Tuxedo Kamen/Mask - (singing) "I fell in love with the McDonald's girl..."  
  
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Bastard!  
  
"I'm a virgin." Dark Schneider admitted.  
The room was completely shocked.  
"Well, it has to be true. No one would EVER claim to be a four hundred year old virgin." Gara stated.  
  
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Bastard Top Six  
  
6. Dark Schneider - "BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, I AM SHE-RA!!"  
  
5. Dark Schneider - "Mmmmmm, donuts..." (begins drooling)  
  
4. Gara - "Ninja Master?! HA! I'm lucky if I can stay upright while trying to tie my shoelaces!"  
  
3. Arshes Nei - "HEY! I know that spell TOO, you know!"  
  
2. Dark Schneider - "Tsukikage no Knight..." (sighs) [Literal Translation: Moonlight(Shadow?) Knight.]  
  
1. Knights of Havoc - (singing) "I'd like to buy the world a Coke!"  
  
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Neon Genesis Evangelion  
  
Evangelion Unit 1's hand gripped Kaworu Nagisa's body completely. He couldn't use his arms or legs. Even if he wanted to. Kaworu looked at the demon that held Shinji Ikari, who was seething with anger.  
Kaworu smiled and asked Shinji to kill him.  
"I won't!" Shinji answered.  
Kaworu had expected this. He knew Shinji would need to be angry beyond belief or at least dazed enough to accidentally squeeze Kaworu to death.  
"All right, Shinji, I can admit it. I was just using you to get to Pen-Pen."  
It turned out that Shinji accidentally crushed him to death while puking into his LCL.  
  
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Evangelion Top Eleven  
  
11. Misato - "Hikari, stay away from my Hotspring Penguin, you home-wrecking B!+CH!!!"  
  
10. Misato - "Kaji couldn't get it up if he had a CASE of VIAGRA!"  
  
9. Naoko - (over a PA) "GENDO STUFFS!"  
  
8. Ritsuko - (singing) "If I only had a brain..."  
  
7. Rei - (in her usual quiet way while holding a spoon and trying to feed Shinji) "Here comes the choo-choo... chugga-chugga... woooo...wooooo......aaaaaah-ulm! Good boy."  
  
6. Keel Lorenz - "Well, I have to admit it. We're bankrupt." (hears moans from other SEELE moan) "Come on, we all knew it would fail someday. As soon as they found out about the cattle mutilations...."  
  
5. Gendo - "Hey, Shinji. Wanna go to the nightclub down on 3rd and Langer? I can get you in, no problem. Yeah, they know me..." (Shinji hangs up. Gendo dials him up again) "Hey Shinji, we got disconnected suddenly..."  
  
4. Evangelion Unit 1 - (while dancing and singing appropriately) "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight..."  
  
3. Rei - (while mooning a crowd as they speeed by) "WHEEEEEE!"  
  
2. Misato - "Who needs booze? Got milk?"  
  
1. Shigeru Aoba - MY NAME IS SHIGERU!! NOT "That other guy. You know, with the long hair and loves guitars?"!!!!  
  
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Tenchi Muyo!  
  
"FIRE! FIRE! COOL! COOL!" Washuu cried.  
"HEhehehehehehehHeHeheHEHEHeheHeHeHeHEHEHEHeHeHeHeHeHeHehehEhehEHeHEhEhHeHeHe!" Sasami added.  
The rest of the Masaki household residents joined in.  
  
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Tenchi Muyo! Top Fourteen  
  
14. Washuu - "WAAAAAH! I CAN'T DO THIS SKY-ENCE STUFF! WAAAAAH!"  
  
13. Yosho - "Hey, Ayeka. I completely forgot to welcome you to Earth properly. Here, pull my finger..."  
  
12. Ryoko - "Actually, Tenchi, I don't use these little jewels for much. Well, for fun and decoration, but I really use this thing called the Force...  
  
11. Kiyone - "KIYONE IS SORRY!!! WAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
10. Ayeka - "Everyone, I know I've been quite the b!+ch recently and I aplogize. But I have to explain that Juraian women go through an entire year of PMS every fifteen years..." [Editor's note: OUCH!]  
  
9. Sasami - "Ayeka, I just served Ryo-ohki for lunch and I know that you'll taste good with red wine sauce. So, just get the hell out of my kitchen and no one'll get hurt."  
  
8. Tenchi - "F^(K YOU, KAGATO!!"  
  
7. Tenchi - "F^(K YOU, AZUSA!!" [Editor's note: That's the name of the Juraian Emperor.]  
  
6. Mihoshi - "Forget this 'humanitarian' approach. Let's blow the $#it out of the f^(king planet."  
  
5. Kagato - "I never fight without my teddy. No, not the bear..." [Editor and Writer's note: BLEAAARRGG!!]  
  
4. Washuu - (while cuddling some panties) "HOTCHA!! Being the universe's greatest genius and greatest pervert at the same time DEFINITELY has it's advantages!"  
  
3. Sasami - (brandishing a sword twice her height) "There can be only one, Ayeka..."  
  
2. Kiyone - "Screw HQ, I'm going for some beer."  
  
1. Ryo-ohki - (while chasing Washuu) "MIIYAAAA-MIYA-MIYA-MIYAAAA-MIIIIIYAAAAAA!!!" [Translation: You couldn't just give me the ability to speak, no, you just HAAAAD to have a daughter that could purr!]  
  
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Urusei Yatsura  
  
"Hey, hunk. Wanna go out?"  
"DAAAAAAAAHLIIIIIING!" Ataru cried out.  
Lum found herself zapped as Ataru floated down to her, picked her up and carried her home.  
  
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Urusei Yatsura Top Ten  
  
10. Ataru - "Mendo, my love..."  
  
9. Mendo - "Megane, my love..."  
  
8. Lum - "LUM NO BAKA!" *BZZZZZAARRRRK* "No, still doesn't work."  
  
7. Ran - "Man, I'm getting a stiffy...." [Editor and Writer's note: BLEEAAAAAAARG!]  
  
6. Rei - "Ataru, you know I could never hold something like stealing the only girl I love against you..."  
  
5. Megane - "HAAAAHAHAHAHA! Screw these damn glasses! I AM SUPERMAN!!"  
  
4. Perm - "And I... am BATMAN!"  
  
3. Shinobu - "And I AM AQUAMAN.... er, AQUA-_WO_MAN!"  
  
2. Cherry - "AH, $#IT! Screw this fate crap! I'm gonna go have a beer."  
  
1. Sakura - "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" (just lost a game of Scrabble to Lum)  
  
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End file.
